"Believe in miracles, that your wishes come true..."
(Revolutionary Girl Utena - Shoujo Kakumei Utena)
That quote has remained with me since I first began watching Utena over a year ago, knowing full well that I might never attain my dreams. My dad always tells me that opportunity is a combination of preparation and luck; without one the other cannot exist. I wanted so much to believe it, but a company I applied to firmly believes that females cannot be game designers, let alone good gamers (an insider informed me of this when he told me I had no chance at the job). All I could see was a very long dark tunnel as the path to my ultimate wish - to be a game designer.
Then there were all the "mature adults" expressing their love for college and a yearning to relive those college days. Maybe it's just me, but I hated college. There was always work (I had to choose a school that studies for 5 days and parties for 2) and worse, there were no males!! To go off campus to find a date was horrible. Of course, there were always the meat markets known as dances, but I prefer guys with an intellect and compassion.
Admittedly, my first mistake was believing the gaming industry to be similar to other industries where they hire half way through the school year for work starting graduation. I received my first interview, only to realize they wanted me to start NOW (February, 2001). Unable to work everyday with half my classes in the afternoon, I was forced to terminate any job possibilities with them at that time. But then I received an email from one of the companies, requesting me to fill out a game design test! I was so excited, but the topic was unfortunately AOE/AOK based, and it took me two weeks to research and write. The only position open there was not even a game design position, but a testers position, and the time to start was once again, immediate. Finding a job before graduation was a huge failure.
I returned home to California believing that job hunting would be easier. After all, I lived in Southern California, the largest area for gaming companies! Santa Monica and Irvine in particular host large amounts of gaming companies, including several large companies such as Blizzard that ship AAA titles. I thought I was in gaming heaven! That is, until I realized how many others also wished to be in the gaming industry, and that most companies didn't seem to care that I had a college degree. Did I waste four years of my life?!?!?!
After a massive email spam, I received two interviews from console developers. At the time I was devastated that I didn't get either job, but now that I look back there was no way I'd ever have been happy at either of the companies. One company makes old arcade style games, and while I have nothing against that style, I prefer to create for the newer style of intricate design and awesome art. The other company's representative that interviewed me spent the entire time speaking on how I haven't played hardcore consoles in the last four years due to college. He even chided me for believing that I could get a design job without going through the normal QA route. To this day, I wonder why he called me in for an interview. For amusement, perhaps?
Realizing I couldn't do this email spam every month, I started doing targeted applications. I threw away my business-like cover letter and replaced it with a new cover letter that left nothing to be researched, no rock uncovered. This was most likely my last attempt at a job in the gaming industry, as a new graduating class in June means fewer jobs for everyone else! My parents were still encouraging me to take ANY job, and even had a few lined up for me in the business industry. However, within a week I had an interview at another console developer for a job in level design and a paper to write for a AAA PC developer in Maryland! I spent the weekend writing the paper and keeping my fingers crossed, even though I was positive I was not going to accept the job. After all, I'd have to live by myself, pay the bills, and be alone in a place I didn't know. Didn't sound too appealing to me.
However, that Monday I received a phone interview from the PC developer, and then group phone interview was scheduled for Wednesday!! (Tuesday was spent interviewing for the console company) I had hoped to hear news of a job from the console developer by the end of the week, but I left for Maryland on Sunday without hearing word back from them. I was a bit disappointed that I hadn't heard back, but admittedly almost every developer missed the self-appointed deadline (I received an email back from them on Monday, merely two days late and the same day I was doing in person interviews in Maryland. By the time I read that email, I had already accepted the other job).
Upon arriving in Maryland, I realized that if the company who was interviewing me, Big Huge Games, offered me a job, I would accept on the spot. It wasn't just because they offered great benefits and a fun working environment, but it also allowed me to get in the ground floor of a great company under the excellent tutelage of several of the top game designers in the industry- the legendary Brian Reynolds, eclectic Doug Kaufman, and the master of board games, Joe Balkoski. With table tennis (ping-pong) and a pool table in the middle of the office plus scooters as the main mode of transportation… how could you go wrong?
It was a grueling two days for me, and then I had to wait a night (sleep?) before I found out the answer to my question - did I get the job? I woke up at six a.m., attempted to watch television for several hours, and finally reported several minutes before ten o'clock. I waited a grueling fifteen minutes sitting down, standing up, dancing, and walking silly until I finally just sat down and stared at the floor. But just then someone came to the door to let me in. The answer was near!
Ok ok, I fully admit the surprise was a bit… spoiled. The IT turned associate producer, Paul, scooted up to chat with me and asked, "so, going apartment shopping now?" I managed to keep a straight face as I replied, "IF I get the job" before bursting out laughing.
However, there is one thing I fully admit I don't understand: how I got the job. After pondering for quite some time, my final answers were: education, potential, some experience in the industry, and articulation. Who knows? I certainly don't. I think I'll ask Tim one day how I got this job.
Now, weeks later, I can finally say I'm almost moved in and am having a blast. I play ping-pong everyday, drink the free cokes, play some games, and occasionally do work. I'm on the road to making my ultimate dream come true - make an awesome game that is good enough to be labeled a "crack" game (Evercrack - EverQuest, Starcrack - Starcraft). We work hard as a team, and together we will hopefully make history, not just recreate it. I've come home at last.
-- Kristine "Nanogirl" Ishii - Assistant Game Designer, Big Huge Games --
